This story begins with just about everybody. Johnny’s not very happy with his life. He lives in a small town, gets teased for being on the football team, and can’t seem to get any girls. One night, he’s playing some video games when he spots a girl crying on the other side of town. He walks over to her and finds out her boyfriend just dumped her for being too dumb. The next day, Johnny walks up to this girl and smiles. She keeps walking until his hand grabs her by the shoulder and spins her around to see who grabbed it. There stands Johnny with a tough, mysterious look in his eyes that says “Ain’t you that cute football fan who is a cum dump!”. And that’s why Johnny is single.